No, not that kind of coming out - Alex might get a bit of a shock!
No, I'm coming as having some mental health problems. It's bloody scary writing this, but I'm tired of hiding it away and avoiding people. Plus, actually, I have nothing to be ashamed of, so here goes...
I've been very ill for the past week to the point I've had constant care from my wonderful Alex, and my children have had to go into the full time care of both sets of amazing and incredibly selfless grandparents.
I'm tired of keeping it a secret. If I had a major physical illness, like I'd slipped a disc, or broke a leg; I could freely tell people, post pictures of scars and casts, and people could go "aah get well soon". But because it's mental health related, I've hidden away at home in silence. And I'm sick of it. I just happen to be a 'social taboo kind of ill' so fuck it! I'm coming out!
I won't bore you with the details but basically I had a crisis Thursday night, ended up at hospital. I have been cared for at home by my wonderful Alex ever since, with daily visits from the Stratford mental health team. I'm existing on valium and sleeping pills, its not much of an existence, but i should see a psychiatric consultant today. Things can hopefully start getting better from then, as I haven't been able to have my children at home in days. I miss them so bitterly and desperately, but sadly can only cope with seeing them in very short bursts. I pray that improves quickly.
I may also be going into crisis respite housing for a bit, as Alex and the grandparents' need a break. It's a scary prospect but hopeful a positive step, and certainly better than the hospital alternative.
Anyway, there you go. I'm out. I'm moderately mental. Hopefully it won't last long (as it's not postnatal depression, more akin to a minor nervous breakdown.) I just don't want to hide it anymore. I want hold my head up at the times I feel strong enough to, and bury my head in a hoodie when I don't.
I just want not to feel like I have a dirty secret, when actually I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Oh a gifts of chocolate are always welcome! ;-)
(as slightly more mad than usual) 'len x
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Damn right you have nothing to be ashamed of hon, & well done on 'coming out' as it were hopefully it will make things that little bit easier for you not feeling you're hiding it in the shadows hey.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure this will prove the start of your getting better, & you'll find a way to feel yourself again (I have absolutely no doubt about that, you may not feel it at times but I know just how ridiculously strong & capable you are so you'll get there step by step hey).
I love that expression 'moderately mental', who isn't these days hey? ;) If you ever need a chat with another 'moderate mentalist' you know I would always love to, whatever you fancy chatting about or just clearing from your mind honey.
x
Geoff
Big hugs my dear to you and all the love in the world from me, pablo and nathan. This I am sure is the hardest part to speak out, sorry you have been and are going through this. No-one should be ashamed as anybody can be affected at any time of their lives. I think we can all put too much pressure on ourselves to be cope with things.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and get well soon my dear.
Big hugs to big al and dylan- and come and stay with us at anytime in yorkshire when you can.
Xxxxx cazzy, pablo and nate.
So proud of you for 'coming out'. Hope you start feeling better soon. I've recently 'come out' about my depression. I was surprised at how supportive so many people were and I know you'll find the same thing. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts xxx Vikki xxx
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